The second half of 2014 was rough. In addition to three hospitalizations in six months, we had what could have been the biggest life-changer to date.
Without getting into too much detail, we learned sometime during the summer that my hubby’s employment situation was going to change at the end of the year. We would either have to move quite far away, or he’d have to start anew.
A lot goes through your mind when your basic means of living is threatened. Of course, my inability to work outside the home, made things more urgent and uncertain. It’s hard putting that burden on one person, to carry all that responsibility.
First, the questions came…
Would we have to move? Would it be far away? Would it be safe (no mold, good air quality)? Would it be private enough where people didn’t hear me cough all night or do my Vest? Would I be able to get my medications, see my doctors or go into the hospital when needed? How far would my husband have to commute? Would we have to go down to one car? How would I get to doctor appointments?
Oh, the range of emotions I went through since then…
I could have obsessed about the unknown. I had a few sleepless nights. I could have cried because I was so scared. I did, a little. I questioned “why” this was happening and other things weren’t. And then I shook myself.
Try as we might, we don’t have as much control over life as we think. I feel like there is an order to life, that some things are meant to happen. Yes, we have free will, but I think the bigger things are kind of etched in wet cement somewhere – waiting for us to eventually get on the path that leads to where we are supposed to land.
I learned that I had to have faith:
- In the journey. The process. I can’t think of any path we’ve taken that was smooth and flat.
- In my husband, in his work ethic, his skills and talents, his proven ability to provide on every level, his intelligence and ability to lead us as a family.
- In myself – my skills to keep our home happy and healthy, to support him in his search, be his friend, confidant and sometimes advisor. I had to believe that when a particular opportunity didn’t pan out, that it meant that there was something else more suited for us.
- In my actions. I had to walk the walk, as the saying goes.
Having faith also means that we had to do everything that was in our power, to make rational decisions and get organized. We spent the better part of this time organizing, de-cluttering, and making the house more useful. We donated clothes we never wore anymore, took inventory of every cabinet, closet and storage area, and made dozens of small decisions – all in the name of making life simpler. If we had to make an eventual decision that took us out of our house/area, at least we’d already done all the hard work of paring down.
Not Proselytizing, Just Sharing
I don’t talk about my religious views much, because I don’t think that I need to market any “brand” or faith or belief system. But I absolutely believe in God and I know that life is a brilliant design that we might not ever fully understand. But we’ve learned, time and again, that having faith leads to great personal reward – and I don’t mean finances, status, etc. It’s hard to explain so I’ll just leave it at that.
Having faith made this part of our journey less of a trial and more of another curve in the road. We didn’t stop living because of these huge upcoming changes. We took them day to day, versus boxing it all in a package. This is why and how I can take the lessons we’ve learned and continue to apply them to our lives.
Because who knows what the day will bring? I guess I’ll just have to ask my hubby when he gets home today from his new job. 🙂
Thank you to those of you who have helped me stay sane during this time.