So after being home for just a few days, I am back in the hospital. I’ll post something longer once I get home, because it’s kind of hard to write an entire blog post using just my phone.
My bowel is obstructed and I have a blood clot in my spleen. I am still being treated with IV antibiotics for my pneumonia, so it’s basically a trifecta of hell.
I am feeling better each day, but it’s been pretty grueling, physically and mentally. It gets pretty lonely – counting the minutes until each medication infusion is done, or agonizing over each second until medication brings relief for my various discomforts.
I watch the sun rise and set out this window, stuck in this box of four walls that seem to close in inch by inch, moment by moment.
I apologize for the utterly depressive nature of this post, but right now, my mind just feels so dark.
These feelings are some of the most intolerable aspects of my disease – the isolation, the feeling of imprisonment, the sense that I am left behind.
I know that my feelings will likely elevate with tomorrow’s sunrise, but right now, I can’t see the light.