Seven Ways Your Cat Lets You Know that You’re an Inferior Being

There’s a saying that dogs have owners, cats have staff.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of sharing your home with a member of the domestic feline species, let me share a few secrets with the non-cat-people of the world.

Seven Ways Your Cat Lets You Know that You’re an Inferior Being

7. We clean up their poo and pee.

I sometimes wonder, if Aliens ever decided to visit Earth, what would they think about this practice? Who is really in charge here? It’s especially humbling when they watch you clean the litter box, only to instantly christen the new litter. Of course, once they’re in their box, doing their thing, they don’t want you to look at them.

6. They interrupt OUR bathroom time.

The inexperienced person might think that cats would show the same respect to you when you’re in the loo, but for some reason, cats tend to think that it’s the perfect time for some one-on-one petting or playing.

Cat toys in the bathroom.

Cat toys in the bathroom.

If I don’t lock the bathroom door and simply close it, it sometimes doesn’t latch all the way. The cats know how to pull from the bottom and open the door. Next thing I know, they’re rubbing up against my leg or standing on the sink counter, meowing and poking my shoulder with a paw. Awkward.

5. You are the chef, waiter, busboy, and servant in every way.

When the cats want food, they want it now. Molly’s hungry meow sounds a bit like a baby goat – a bit cute and a bit annoying at the same time. Milo usually just makes noise or starts knocking stuff off the counter to get my attention, and when I run into the kitchen to see what he’s broken or spilled, he runs to his food dish, sits down, and asks, “brrrrrooo?” Sometimes, they just figure it out themselves, as they did in the photo below (while I was in the shower):

This bag was on the counter above. They knocked it onto the floor and a small hole tore, and they were just chomping away as if I had tossed out corn for some chickens.

I came downstairs from a shower and found this bag that was originally on the counter, on the floor.

CAT TRANSLATOR: Brrrrrooo? = “I see that you see me sitting in front of my empty bowl, and what are you going to do about that?”

4. They demand to have what you’re having.

Somehow, Molly decided that she preferred the Poland Spring water dispenser to tap water, and then learned how to use it herself. She likes her water fresh, cold, and on demand. No bowls of tepid tap water for my Princess!

We finally had to get a child-proof spigot, because she loved to hold the handle down and fill up the small reservoir that only holds maybe an ounce for spillover, and she was making a mess everywhere. She’s not thrilled, and rebels by tipping over the water dish. So from now on, I have to show her that I am putting the Poland Spring water into the dish, and she’ll trust that it’s okay then.

3. The issue ultimatums.

Milo has a habit of trying anything to get our attention for the sole purpose of getting us to feed him food or treats. He’s skilled at knocking things off flat surfaces.. It began innocent enough – he’d start out small, like knocking a spoon or a pen off the counter, watching it land on the floor, then listening for one of us to come running, which we did. We thought, we’re smarter than him, let’s just ignore the behavior and he’ll learn that he won’t get any reaction.

 

My cat was so lucky that this landed the way it did. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I would have cleaned up 4 pounds of sugar.

My cat was so lucky that this landed the way it did. Otherwise, I’m not sure how I would have cleaned up 4 pounds of sugar.

Mind you, he doesn’t do things in one fell swoop; instead, he makes small, quiet, calculated movements that we often don’t hear until it reaches the floor. We’d sometimes catch him mid-shove, moments before the final nudge. Then he got smarter – shoving stuff over that lands in one huge, loud, scary sound. He once shoved an unopened 2-liter bottle of Pepsi off the counter; it was a sudden, unnatural sound and a complicated mess to clean.

2. They treat you like furniture. 

At the kitchen table, at our desks, on the couch, in the chair. Wherever we go, so do the cats.

Molly taking advantage of Daddy napping on the chair.

Molly taking advantage of Daddy napping on the chair.

Of course, when Daddy is home, Mama is like chopped liver, but it’s okay. They adore Ken and it’s so freaking cute.

1. They act as if everything in the house is for them.

Of course it is!! Boxes, plastic bags, the newspaper, the top of the refrigerator, on the laptop, at the desk, or taking up half the bed.

Almost no place is off-limits, no matter how much we try.

Almost no place is off-limits, no matter how much we try.

It’s a pretty awesome problem to have, two cats who always want to hang out with you! We are so lucky to be owned by such sweet, funny and adorable kitties.

I’d love to hear your pet stories! Share using the comment box below.

 

 

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